Skinny Jeans

The 1980's were not the most fashionable time for me.  Harem pants, permed hair, banana clips, jelly shoes, mirrored sunglasses with hot pink frames, and, best of all, tight-rolled jeans.  I know you know what I'm talking about.  You take the hem of your jeans and roll it inward, talking up any slack, then roll upwards two or three times until you have an extreme taper at the ankle.  Whoever thought up this fad should have been strangled with his own pair of tight-rolled jeans.  It was not a good look for anyone.

I've noticed lately that those fashion trends from the 1980's are starting to come back.  The thing about fads though is that you think they're cute when you're in them.  I like the tight black leggings with the tall leather boots.  I like the skinny jeans with long tops and brightly-colored flats.  The difference between now and the 80's is that I now know that these styles don't look good on me.  The tight leggings accentuate my larger thighs.  The long, baggy shirts hide my smaller waist.  Even though I'd love to wear them, I've officially written them off as not for me.  

Until now...

A recent girl's trip to the Pacific Northwest required me to pack rain boots.  I have the cutest pair of rain boots that the kids gave me for my birthday.  I don't get to wear them very often, but when I do, I've noticed that the hem of my boot-cut jeans drags on the ground and gets all wet - not pretty.  So when I began packing for this trip I quickly realized that I needed some new, boot-friendly pants.  A quick Google search on the latest rainy day fashion revealed the most popular choices - leggings and skinny jeans.  

Oh no.  No way.  Not gonna happen.

The next day I find myself in an Old Navy fitting room with my three-year-old son and a pair of Rock Star Super Skinny Jeans that "look good on every shape".  

Deep breath.  You can do this.

I slide those puppies on and zip them up as fast as I can.  Hmm...not awful,  but I need something to cover my butt.  I pull on a baggy white tee and a pretty green Boyfriend Sweater.  

Wow.  They actually look good.  And they will look even better with my rain boots.

I take my $75 purchase and head home.  "You look great!" exclaims my husband.  "Mama, you look so pretty!" croons my daughter.  I'm feeling good.

It wasn't until the night before my trip that I realized it.  My rain jacket was too short for my new outfit.  That green boyfriend sweater totally hung down a good six inches below the bottom of my jacket.  Man!  Which looks worse - the dangling green sweater or the rolled up boot-cut jeans?  

In the end, I returned the skinny jeans et al and just packed my regular old clothes for the trip.  And you know what?  I didn't once look down at my cuffed pants.  I was too busy catching up with my dear, sweet friend (who doesn't give a flip about what I look like) and enjoying every moment of our beautiful vacation together.  

And that, my friends, is what life is all about.  It's not about fitting in or being accepted because of the way you look.  It's about surrounding yourself with people that love you just the way you are.  

And learning to love yourself in return.  

Nap Time

I love naps.  I mean, I really love naps.  One does not realize the beauty (and necessity) of a nap until one has children.  That feeling of curling up under the sheets while the sun streams in from the window.  Or covering yourself with a throw while the rain patters down on the rooftop.  Ah, there's nothing like a nap.

Studies show that a 20-minute power nap is perfect for recharging the brain and the body and leaves you feeling refreshed and ready to conquer the rest of the day.  But I don't take a 20-minute power nap.  No, no, no.  What's the point in that?  By the time you get to sleep you have to wake up.  It's much too stressful for me.   My naps last much longer.  I can sleep a good 1.5 to 3 hours and awake with tousled hair and a drool-stained pillow.  That's my idea of a good nap.

I've been napping that way ever since my youngest child was born - that was 6 years ago.  It's my favorite part of the day, really.  I look forward to it the way you would look forward to an overdue date night with your husband.  Nap time means that I can shut out the world for a little while and just attend to me.

The only problem is that I'm not finding nap time refreshing anymore.  It's really just one of those things that's not working for me but I keep doing it anyway because it's what I know (I have a long list of those).  Don't get me wrong, I still love to nap, but when I wake up, I don't feel refreshed - I feel groggy.  I'm frustrated that the items on my to-do list aren't getting done because I spent my free time napping.  I don't want to play with my kids when they get home from school because I'm focused on all the stuff that didn't get done that day.

So I have decided to give...up....the....nap.....!!!!

For the past few days, in an effort to evoke change (see Waiting for Change) I've replaced napping with laundry, writing, cooking, cleaning, watching my favorite TV shows, and frittering my time away on Facebook.  Some of these things I enjoy more than others (none of them do I enjoy more than napping), but at least I'm getting stuff done.  And I feel good about it.  I actually feel better than I do after an hour of sleep.  And a nice tall glass of caffeinated iced tea helps!

Waiting for Change

Bless me blog, for I have sinned.  It has been 40 days since my last blog post.  That can only mean one thing:  I've hit on something big.  And I don't want to deal with it.  I don't want to think about it or talk about it or write about it.  I don't want to share it with anyone - not even myself.  I want to tuck it neatly away in that corner of my brain where uncomfortable feelings go to die.

But, alas, I'm trying really hard not to do that anymore.  The point of this blog is to keep me in touch with my feelings and share my struggles and triumphs with you, my readers.

So...here goes (better late than never):

I am waiting for change.

I am sitting around doing the same old things I've been doing for the past few years, waiting for something different to happen.  I am not taking an active part in my quest for change.  Do you ever do that?  Just wait for things to be different as if you have no control over them yourself?

I am waiting to all of a sudden wake up one day and no longer struggle with food but I am not really doing the work I need to be doing in order to get there.  I am waiting to lose weight but not really changing the way I eat.  I am waiting for my muscles to get stronger but am still using those same 5lb. weights that I've been lifting for the past three years.  I am waiting to enjoy my life more, but am stuck in the same-old routine.  I am just waiting for change - and I'm going to be waiting a long time unless I take control of that change myself.

I've always felt like change is something that happens TO me rather than something of which I'm in control.  That's ironic, because I'm the ultimate control freak.  But it's just so much easier to not have any responsibility in the change process.  I'd rather just sit back, think really hard about it, and wait for the change to come to me.   You know, will it to happen.

That's not gonna cut it, honey.

Well, now that the cat's out of the bag, I suppose you want to know what my plans are.  What am I going to do differently to orchestrate this change?

I don't freaking know!  I've only just realized I have a problem.  Give me some time to figure it out.  But I promise not to leave you hanging for too long.